I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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