Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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