question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
