so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
