Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
