I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
