I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
