There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
