Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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