I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My bed smells like the plague
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize