Say something about gay babies.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
