We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
