I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
