took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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