CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
