and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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