dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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