Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
