Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
