Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When did angry sex become our thing?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
