yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
