I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
