In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
