i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
