You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
