i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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