She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
