I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
