Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize