needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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