I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize