I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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