I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
