I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
