On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
