we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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