The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize