i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
