OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
