WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
