Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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