sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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