Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize