Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
