What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
