I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
