Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
