i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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