He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
