she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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