clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
