Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
