i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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