She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize