He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
