dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
