i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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