jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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