Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
