Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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