We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
