I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
