shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Less talking, more tequila
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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