hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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