ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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