My cat gives me a boner
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
